Hot, Baby, Hot
by fighter.planes
Summary: The infamous, humour epic of the escaflowne section RETURNS AFTER 2 years of SLACKING OFF! claims of infamy not backed up in any way. Enjoy!
1. Heads will roll...er.....burn......

My First Escaflowne fiction. I dont own them but if I did then they would be .....SLAVES IN MY EVIL WORLD MWUAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!!!!! Ahem! scuse me. I dont own VoE you should know that. O well lets go!  
  
  
Hot, Baby, Hot!  
  
  
Dilandau sits on the ground hunched of something he found in Hitomis bags...Something he found utterley facinating!!!!!!!!  
  
Dilandau:Hhehehehehehe YES BABY DO IT DO IT!!!! CMON!!!!  
  
He Rubs his thumb rapidly on something.  
  
Dilandau:YES!!!!! THATS IT!!!!! THATS HOW YOU DO IT!!!! YES!!!!!!BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!! MWUAHAHAHAHAAHHA HEHEHEHEHE HARHAHRHAHR *HIC *KAFF KAFF *HIC.  
  
Dilandau holds up a small golden rectancle with a hinged top wich is open. A flame is steadily burning in it.  
  
Dilandau:BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!! I LOVE THIS THING THAT GIRL CALLS A LIGHTER!!!!! WHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH I WANT IT!!!!!  
Dilandau starts to repeatedly turn it off and on.  
  
  
*CLICK*  
  
Burn.....  
  
*CLICK*  
  
Burn.....  
  
*CLICK*  
  
Burn.....  
  
*CLICK*  
  
Burn.....  
  
*CLICK*  
  
Burn.....  
  
*CLICK*  
  
Burn.....  
  
*CLICK*  
  
Burn.....  
  
*CLICK*  
  
Burn.....  
  
*CLICK*  
  
Burn.....  
  
4 hours later.......  
*Click-cithk*  
  
*CLICK*  
  
Burn.....  
  
*CLICK*  
  
Burn.....  
  
*CLICK*  
  
Burn.....  
  
*CLICK*  
  
Burn.....  
  
*CLICK*  
  
Burn.....  
  
15 hours later......  
  
*CLICK*  
*CLICK*  
*CLICK*  
*CLICK*  
  
Dilandau:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! MY FIRE MY.....LOVELY FIRE!!!!!!!!  
  
He examines it thuroughly and soon finds a small message on the bottom.  
  
Dilandau:What is lighter fluid?  
  
Dilandau leaves his house and walks for a while. He happens upon an old man sitting by the side of the road. The old man notices the sad look on Dilandau's face.  
  
Old Man:Why so glum chum?  
  
Dilandau:Well, I found this really neat thing that makes...*Pauses for a sec*(big, deep, booming voice.)FIRE!!!!!!!!!!(Echoes repeatedly)But it ran out and I think it needs something called "Lighter Fluid". Do you know where I can find some?  
  
Old Man:Over there sonny!*points to an army surplus shop by the side of the road.*  
  
Dilandau:*not even caring that its in Gaea* OKay! thanks lots old dude!!!  
  
Dilandau charges up to the store. He stops by a really large poster with flames decorating it.  
  
Dilandau:OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH.........  
  
The sign has weapons all over it and in big, bright, bold letters reads: SALE! ALL INCINERATORS, FLAME THROWERS, AND NAPALM HALF OFF ALREADY LOW SALE PRICES!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Dilandau stands in awe.  
  
Dilandau:*pauses for a moment* AWWWWWWWWWWWWW COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
To be continued next time! dum da dummm!!!(yeah I bet your real scared right now.........)  
  
A/N:Hopefully I will get up off my lazy ass and write the next chapter. Please reveiw and tell me if I should continue. Go on ahead and send me flames if you dont like it..im sure they will keep Dilandau happy....  
  
Dilandau: Heheheheheh yessssss flammmmmmmeeeeeeessssss!!!!!!  
  
DTemplar:shut up you. Got to bed before I make Hitomi whack you Van take away your fireplace.  
  
Dilandau: Awwwwww.....  
  
DT:Go.Now.  
  
Any way Bye fer now. 


	2. AQUIRE THE FIRE!!

Well lookie here looks like I decided to get off my lazy ass and write this chapter. Oh joy!! Who's excited?!.......looks around......I guess not...... Oh well lets get on with this.  
  
  
Hot, Baby, Hot part 2:AQUIRE THE FIRE!!!!  
  
  
When we last saw Dilandau, he had found a lighter(oh god.....)while rummaging through Hitomi's stuff. He then proceded to watch it for 19 straight hours(good lord....). After running out the mysterious "Lighter Fluid" needed to power the fire, Dilandau set out in search of some. Upon happening a weird old man who showed him to an army surplus store(BIG BUBBAS GUNS'N'AMMO ARMY SURPLUS!!!-IF IT DONT BLOW UP OR SHOOT UP THEN......UH....WELL...UH....WE AINT GOT IT!!!!). When entering the shop the little pyromaniac noticed a sale poster that interested him verrrry well........  
  
  
Dilandau walked out of the surplus shop whistiling merrily. He was carrying an armload of incinerators and napalm. Strapped to his back was the 'Toast em'enator 9000000' flamethrower. Needless to say he was insanley happy.  
  
Dilandau: Bwhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!NOW I CAN BUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRNNN LIKE NEVER BEFORE WHOOOOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HEHEHEHEE!!!!!!!!  
  
Dilandau: But what am I gonna burn first.  
  
Dilandau puzzled this for a moment. Suddenly his face bloomed with excitment.  
  
Dilandau: YES!!! THATS IT!!!!I SHALL BURN THE OCEAN!!!!!!!!wait, wait that wont work. I got it!!! I will burn Van's house!!!!!wait it's a castle......OH WELL IT DOSENT MATTER!!!!! ILL BURN HIS STUFF ANYWAY!!  
  
Dilandau hurrys off at a speed not possible with the load he is carrying.  
  
2 hours later  
  
Dilandau arrives in the city of Fanailia huffing and puffing.  
  
Dilandau:Huff* I *puff*huff*puff* am here to reek havoc and doom with my fire!!!!!!!!!!!MWUAHAHAHAHAHA NOW BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNN!!!!!  
  
Dilandau begins to torch things with reckless abandon. Van walks out of his castle to see what all the commotion is about.  
  
Van: mumble mumble mumble.......What going on.....yawn....  
  
Van rubs the sleep from his eyes and spots Dilandau burning a man's house.  
  
Man: Oh help.he.is.burning.my.house.with.a.little.flaming.stick...oh no.whatever will I do.....I just know someone will save us....  
  
Van stands there snoring still half asleep.  
  
Man:I SAID I KNOW SOMEONE WILL SAVE US!!!!!!  
  
He whacks Van over the head with a pitchfork.  
  
Van:Oh!oh!oh! Right!!!!  
  
He speeds off to the Guymelef hangar.  
  
Escaflowne bursts out and lands by Dilandau  
  
Van:NEVER FEAR!!! ESCAMAN IS HERE!!!!!!!!  
  
Hitomi walks out of the castle.  
  
Hitomi: What is it now Van. Didnt you do enough screaming last night?  
  
Van blushes bright red.  
  
Van:S-shut up about that!!!  
  
Dilandau: I feel like I am being ignored here.......  
  
Van stands turns back to Dilandau.  
  
Van:You there!!! Stop burning things. Why dont you get a new hobby? Like stamp collecting!! I have 40,987 different kinds!!!  
  
He begin rifling through a large book with stamps in it.  
  
Dilandau gets bored real fast and begins chucking Napalm at Escaflowne.  
  
Dilandau: HEHEHEHEHEHE BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNN!!!! VAN BUUUUUURRRRRNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Escaflowne falls to the ground, burnt up. One of the bombs hits the stamp book of Van's.  
  
Van:NOOOOOOOO!!! YOU SHALL PAYYYYYY!!!! I USED 3000 GALLONS OF SALIVA PUTTING THOSE INTO THAT BOOK!!!! MWAAHAHAHAHHA! DIEEEEEEEEE!!!  
  
Van sees a big warning message on the back of Dilandau's flamethrower.  
  
Van:Warning.Do not push this button. Hmmmm????  
  
Van runs up to Dilandau.  
  
Dilandau:What are you doing you fool??  
  
Van pushes the button.  
  
Suddenly the flame thrower pack blows up sending Dilandau rocketing into the air.  
  
Dialndau:LOOOOOOOOKSSSSS LIKE I'M BLOWING UP AGAAAAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNNNN!!!!!!!!DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNN YOOUUUU VANNNNN FANNNNEEEEELLLLLLL!!!!! I'LL BEEEEE BACK FORRRRRR YOUUU!!!!!!  
  
32 minutes later....  
  
Dilandau soars through the sky and lands sharply on his butt.  
  
Dilandau:OOOOOUUUUUCCCHHHHH!!!  
  
A small red lizard like creature with a little flame on it's tail walks up to him.  
  
Creature:Char? Char? Charmander? Char?  
  
Dilandau looks at it and stares at the flame on the tail.  
  
Dilandau: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH.........  
  
To be continued!!!! dadada dummmmmmm!!!!!  
  
A/N: Well lookie here I got up offa my lazy ass and wrote this!!! WHOOOOOOO CHEER FOR ME!!!!!!   
  
DT:Looks around. *chirp chirp chirp* oooooookay maybe later......  
  
  
R/R!! Dilandau gets the flames!!! 


	3. Farenheight 451 and one third!

Hoo boy I'm back!!!! You have nooooooo idea the amount of motivation it took for me to get my lazy ass out of bed to type this chapter! Lets go!  
  
  
Hot, Baby, Hot:part 3: Farenheight 451 and one third.  
  
  
  
Ok lesse here..... Last time Dilandau had purchased several ummm 'heat related' items from an army surplus shop. He then proceeded to Fanalia to burn it to the ground. Van was clued into what was going by a 'helpful' citizen. After an heated(hehehehe) battle, Dilandau was sent sky-rocketing where he landed next to a little red pocket monster........  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau stares intently at the flame on the little monster's tail.  
  
Dilandau:Ooooohhhhh......preeeeeeetttttyyyyy fiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrreeeeeee.  
  
Dilandau reaches for the monsters tail and grabs it.  
  
That was a bad idea.  
  
Charmander:CHARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Charmander unleashes a huge flamethrower on Dilandau. The stream of bright, fiery orange flame jets onto his face.  
  
Dilandau:AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Dilandau quickly recovers from the shock and stares at Charmander, and evil grin slowly spreads across his blackened face.  
  
Dilandau:Heheheheheh....I have an idea in mind for you Mr.Van Fanel....  
  
Dilandau pulls out a fire proof leash and ties it around Charmander's neck.  
  
Charmander:CHAR CHARMANDER CHAR!!!!!!  
  
Charmander tries to burn it off and Dilandau at the same time but to no avail.  
  
Dilandau:Hehehehehmwahahahahah!!try and get out!!!! you cant!!hehehehe I need you to get back at Van!!!!  
  
Charmander looks up at him at pats him on the back.  
  
Chamander:Char.Charmander,Char,Char.  
  
Dilandau looks down at the little monster.  
  
Dilandau: What? You say that my need to burn things and get back at Van is a manifestation of my desire for Van's love?  
  
Chamander is dressed in a psycyatrist's suit. He has a clipboard and nodding sagely.  
  
Dilandau:WAHHHHH THANK-hey you wouldn't be fooling me to get released would you.  
  
Dilandau glares at Charmander.  
  
Dilandau: Well it's not going to work.Pent up love for Van my ass....LETS GO!!!!  
  
He pulls the Charmander with him as he stomps away mumbling about how shrinks are greasy money grabbing fakers with periodic fits of BUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRR BABY!!!!!!!!  
  
42 hours and oh...about 45 minutes later.....  
  
Dilandau is walking on his way to Fanalia happy as well....a crazy flame loving pretty boy can be.  
  
Dilandau passes by a house that has Allen's address on it.  
  
Dilandau:Hehehehe methinks that fool will come in usefully.He hates Van after the time Van went crazy with 'gotta chop off all of Allen's hair-itis'.  
  
Dilandau give out a girlish squeal and rushes up to Allen's door and rings the bell.  
  
Allen opens up the door and looks around. After a moment of searching he looks down. He frowns in dissapointment  
  
Allen:Oh. It's you. What do you want?  
  
He notices 4 round red and white balls on Dilandau's belt.  
  
Allen:What're those?  
  
Dilandau:Hehehehehe theeeeeeeeessssseeeeeee you ask? Theeeeeeessssseeee-  
  
Allen interrupts him.  
  
Allen:Would you please stop drawing out the word 'these' like some madman.  
  
Dilandau:Oh. ok. sorry. Anyway! These 'pokemon' shall help me BUUUUUURRRRRNNNNNNN Van's house! MWUAHAHAHAHAHHA DIIIIIE VAN!!!!!  
  
Allen:oooook....  
  
Allen: So why do you need me?  
  
Dilandau: I...DONT!! THE AUTHOR IS JUST USING THIS CONVERSATION TO LENGTHEN HIS FIC!! AND PROVIDE ALLEN FOR ALL OF THE FAN-GIRLS!!!!  
  
DTemplar:Shut up you.....  
  
Dilandau:Anyway I must go now! I have important burning to do!!!  
  
He hurrrys off a super human speed.  
  
5 minutes later...  
  
Dilandau enters Fanalia and barges into the castle gates.  
  
Van:We really need to get decent gaurds.....  
  
Dilandau releases the 4 pokemon he caught and trained  
  
Dilandau: Go Charmander! Go Growlithe! Go Flareon! Go Moltres!!!  
  
A little red lizard, an animal that resembles a dog, an animal that looks like a dog on fire, and a big flaming bird appear in red flashes.  
  
Dilandau:MWUAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH GO FORTH MY MINIONS AND BUUURRRRRRRNNNN VAN!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!  
  
Van looks around for a scapegoat.  
  
Van:Uhhhhh...I'm not Van!! I'm.....look to the right of me for Van!!!Yeah thats it!  
  
The pokemon look to the right at Dilandau.  
  
Dilandau:Eheheheheh.......  
  
Dilandau takes off at super high speed with the monsters following him.  
  
Van:Well we wont be hearing from him for a while.  
  
Van turns and faces a very angry Hitomi.  
  
Hitomi:Van....put....some...pants...on....!!!! NEVER LEAVE ME IN BED LIKE THAT!!!!!  
  
All night long screams of pain can be heard from the castle.....  
  
To be continued........  
  
DT:Well, I did'nt like this chapter very much to tell the truth. I was way low on brain fuel today. Coupled with little sleep, I just did'nt do as well on this part as I'd like to. Hope you like it any way! 


	4. The man with the golden lighter!

Whooo boy...I'm getting to lazy for my own good here. Be glad I'm updating!!! I've been busy buying all the gundam action figures I can find and I'm putting together a game to use them in. I've been busy and lazy hmmmm.....I'll hafta figure out how that works sometime!! Anyway! enough mindless jibber jabber! Onward to the next part!!  
  
  
Hot, Baby, Hot  
  
Part four: The man with the golden lighter!  
  
(hehehe James Bond joke for those of you who dont understand it)  
  
  
  
Oooookkkayyy let's let the good author think here for a minute...  
  
Last time in the fic Dilandau had 'captured' a charmander and some other fire pokemon. After a surprise therapy session with the little red lizard Dilandau proceeded to Fanalia once again to attempt to burn things to the ground. Unfortunatly for him he picked some stupid pokemon and was thwarted by another one of Van's pathetic excuses. The pokemon he caught being rather short on brains were tricked and then chased Dilandau around and around the far reaches of Gaea......  
  
  
Huffing and puffing Dilandau climbed another hill. He had been burnt, beaten, brusied and thankfully not raped by those stupid monsters. He continued walking for a short while until he came to a little statue by the side of the road. Filled with curiosity Dilandau walked up to it.  
  
Dilandau: What in the world is it? It dosent look like any god I've ever seen around here.....  
  
He picked it up and examined it more closely. He noticed little etching of flames on it.  
  
Dilandau:Oooooooooo......preeeeeety fiiiiiiirrrreeeee......  
  
Suddenly the little statue's eyes glowed with a firey like light.  
  
Dilandau stared at it in pure awe.  
  
Until it began to speak.  
  
Statue:*YAWN* Ahhhhh...Well hello there! Whats your name? I'm Tiki!  
  
Dilandau:.........WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tiki:What?  
  
Dilandau:AHHHHHH IT'S TALKING TO ME AHHHHH!!!!!tHE LITTLE THINGAMAGJIGGER IS TALKING TO ME!!!!!!!!! HELP HELP!!!!  
  
Tiki:Calm down boy! I Didint wake up after a 1500 hundred year sleep to listen to you scream!  
  
Dilandau calms down a bit before setting Tiki down.  
  
Dilandau:How come you can talk?  
  
  
Tiki:Cause I'm magical M'boy! I grant you any one power you wish!!  
  
Dilandau's eyes light up.  
  
Dilandau:Yesssssss power........  
  
Tiki:Oooook now your even scaring me boy.  
  
Tiki:Before I grant you your power can we talk?  
  
Dilandau:Ok I guess it's only fair...  
  
Tiki:Great!!  
  
Tiki begins to jabber on about his life story for 12 hours straight, but we dont care about that.  
  
After Tiki is done talking he asks what power Dilandau wants.  
  
Dilandau has only one thing on his mind.  
  
Dilandau:Fire..........hehehehehehehehe.  
  
Tiki:Ok! here ya go m'boy now you can summon fire at will!!  
  
Dilandau looks down at his now glowing hands and smiles an evil smile, so evil in fact that I'm to afraid of it to describe it.Ohhhhhh(shivers)...  
  
Dilandau:HAHAHAHAHA I'M COMING FOR YOU VAN FANEL!!! YOU'D BETTER HIRE DECENT GAURDS OR I'LL...I'LL, UH I'LL REFER YOU TO MY GAURD AGENCY!!!! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
Dilandau the burns Tiki and uses him for fire wood. O.o  
  
Dilandau:Soon van, oh so very soon you will pay for foiling my so called half-baked plans! THEY WERENT HALF BAKED THEY WERE FULL BAKED PLANS!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!! mmmmmmmm say these t.v. dinners really are good as the box says...mmmmmmmmmmmhhhh steak.........  
  
O.o again..... To be continued as usual!!!  
  
A/N:Well I coulda done better here too but again it's my L-A-Z-Y factor working here. I may decide to end this at 5 chapters. Tell me if you think I should continue past 5 in your reveiws and e-mail. Also if want to send me e-mail send it to: CrystalBladesman@aol.com instead of my listed ff.net address please. Thanks for reading and (hopefully) reveiwing this chapter! Cya next time! 


	5. Nice day for a barbecue!

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack......!!! I'm tired so I'll skip the blabber and get on with the story! (everyone cheers)  
  
  
  
  
Hot, Baby, Hot: part 5:A fine day for a barbecue!!  
  
  
Ooooookaaaaayyy lets see..where was I again?  
  
Oh yes! Last time Dilandau had received fire powers from a statue he found. It's name was Tiki, figure the odds on that....after bruning it for no appearent reason, he then left for Fanalia(again)......  
  
  
Dilandau walked along for several hours before stopping to rest. After walking for several hours more he came to the very familiar gates of Fanalia.  
  
  
Dilandau:At long last I will have my revenge on Van for the way he humiliated me!! MWHAUAUAUAUAUAUA!!!!HACK WHEEEZZE COUGH......  
  
Dilandau walks straight past the guards Van hired to keep Dilandau out.  
They are snoring, fast asleep.  
  
Dilandau:Figures that fool would hire from the cheapest place...what an idiot...  
  
Dilandau burns the cheap dollar store lock off of the castle gate Van put up.  
  
Dilandau:Moronic fool!!!  
  
Dilandau walks right up to Van's room after bribing more guards with better pay plus doughnuts at his own place.  
  
Dilandau bangs on Van's door loudly.  
  
Dilandau:Hey you stupid fool! Wake you lazy ass up and prepare to be burnt!!!  
  
Ouches and groans can be heard from the room. Dilandau hears the sound of a zipper and an angry girl.  
  
Hitomi:Van! Cant you tell your idiot drinking buddies to take a hike!!  
  
Van:I will baby! I will!  
  
Van opens the door and looks down at Dilandau.  
  
Van:Oh it's just you...Didnt the guards even try to stop you?  
  
Dilandau:Heheheh no you dolt. Your guards were incompetent fools! You shouldnt hire rent-a-cops you idiot!  
  
Van turns back to the door.  
  
Van:Hey! Hitomi honey I'll be right back! This'll take a minute!  
  
Dilandau:Dork! I am not some pushover you can just-!  
  
Van pushes him down.  
  
Van:are you done ranting and raving? Look I was just--err ummm being busy when you barge in demanding that I burn.  
  
Dilandau:Heheheheheheh.....fool! I have amazing power now!!!! I will cook you alive!!! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.   
  
Dilandau makes flames shoot from his hands and hit Van.  
  
Van hits the ground burning.  
  
Van:Auuhhhhhghggh my ass is on fire my ass is on fire!!! Noooooooo not my di-------AAAHHH!! I KNOW STOP DROP AND ROLL!!!!  
  
Van preforms the simple manuver and he stop burning. He looks down at his pants. Oh phew!!  
  
Dilandau grumbles.  
  
Dilandau:I'm gonna kill who ever invented that....  
  
Dilandau Dosent matter!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I HAVE AN IDEA FOR YOU VAN FANEL!!!!  
  
Dilandau:Grabs Van and runs off.  
  
Hitomi comes out of the bedroom, straigtening her skirt.  
  
Hitomi:What are those idiots up to now???  
  
She runs off after them.  
  
To be conluded next chapter!!!  
  
A/N  
Yeah, I know, I know this part is probably the worst. I've been on a brief haiatus and I've come back super lazy. Sorry bout this! R/R plz! 


	6. Weinie Roast!!!!

DT: Holy cow! I actually am gonna update this!!!!! I've been busy with an important project at work. Utena:*kaff*sleeping at his desk *kaff*kaff*.DT: Shut up....... anyhoo, I may decide to go on past 6, it all depends on how my work goes. Utena: By work he means his sleeping schedule. DT: Dammit enuf now! Ah well.....lets do this....  
  
*scratches his head for a moment................ Last time Dilandau stormed Fanalia for the 100th time and thanks to Van's cheapness was able to infiltrate his castle and kidnap him......that's all I think.......oh and there was some stuff about fire powers too..........  
  
  
Dilandau carried a now bound and gagged Van over his shoulder to a huge bonfire he had made.   
  
Dilandau:Hehehehehahahahahaha haha I made this ecspecially for you Van Fanel!!!! Tonight you will burn like a ummm wiener!!!!!! YES A WEINER!!!!  
  
Van:Why a weiner? I hate Weiners. Can I be a steak instead.  
  
Dilandau:DOES IT EVEN MATTER!!!!!??  
  
He calms down a bit before speaking again.  
  
Dilandau: What-ever... like it even matters....AS LONG AS YOU BURN VAN FANEL!!!!!  
  
He then proceeds to tightly wrap Van up with oil soaked ropes.  
  
After dousing Van with gasoline he steps back to admire his handi-work.  
  
Dilandau: Hehehehehe.....what to you think Van Fanel? Good is it not?  
  
Van:I have gas in my eye.........  
  
Dilandau: Shut up idiot. Now it is time to light the big fire!!!! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH TONIGHT IM GONNA PARTY!!!!!!!!  
  
Van: Will there be a cake!!  
  
Dilandau flicks him in the head.  
  
Dilandau: No you stupid fool.  
  
Van: Awwwwww......  
  
Dilandau cackles madly as he prepares to light the construct.  
  
Hitomi:What the hell are you doing to my husband you little bishonen troll.  
  
Dilandau raises and eyebrow.  
  
Dilandau:Trolls can be bishonen? O.o  
  
Hitomi:Gahhhhhh!!! we are getting off topic here!!  
  
Dilandau:O.o oh right!  
  
He light Van on fire.  
  
Van:HOLY SHIEEEOT!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*pant pant pant* ::sucks in a deep breath::AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Hitomi: And I thought I was the only one who could get him to scream like that. O.o .  
  
Van looks and sees that all his screaming made enough wind to put the fire out.  
  
Van: THANK THE CLEAN UNDER WEAR GODS!!!!!!!  
  
Hitomi:O.o  
Dilandau:O.o  
::AUTHOR!!!!!(ninja girls with fans)::Dtemplar:O.o::AUTHOR!!!!!(ninja girls with fans)::  
  
Dilandau's eyebrow is now twitching.  
  
Dilandau: Thats enough stupidity!!! I am sick and tired of getting beaten by you Van Fanel. You never win by skill anyway! Everytime you beat me its always by some fluke of stupidity!!!!!  
  
Van:Are you quite done?  
  
Dilandau sees Hitomi half way through untying Van.  
  
Hitomi: I'm sorry did you say somthing?  
  
Dilandau:AUUUUGHHHH!!!!NO ONE RESPECTS ME!!!! NO ONE!!!!  
  
15 minutes later....  
  
Hitomi finds herself tied up next to Van.  
  
Hitomi:You know he was tricking you when he said he'd give you his charizad card if you left him tie us up did'nt you?  
  
Van:He tricked me!!??!?!?! WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Hitomi sighs and sweatdrops.  
  
Dilandau!!! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Now nobody wil come between me and victory!!!!  
  
Dilandau is about to relight the bonfire when a loud crackle sounds. A pink haired girl falls down sharply on her rear end.  
  
Utena:OWWWW!!!!!  
  
She looks up at Dilandau and then at the tied up 'hero' and back at Dilandau again.  
  
Utena:What the hell are you doing?  
  
Dilandau:Ehehehehehehe!! I am going burrrrrn Van mwuahahahahaha!!!!  
  
Utena:What-ever! you do know you have issues right? You like, need Pyromanic's anonymous or somthing.  
  
Dilandau:You do realise your probably WAY OOC lady?  
  
Utena:(Sighs with a mushroom cloud)Yes.  
  
Dilandau: Eheheheheheh whatever!! I have burning to do!!!  
  
Utena: I suppose I should save them now....  
  
She pulls out a rapier and slashes the ropes.  
  
Dilandau: What are you-!  
  
Hitomi: Thank you so much! Now lets get King idiot here that little freaks ass.  
  
Van is drooling at Utena.  
  
Van: Hehhhhhhh would you like to make hot passionate lesbian love to my wife!!!!!!?????  
  
Utena:O.o  
Hitomit:O.o  
Dilandau:O.o  
  
Hitomi explodes with anger as her face goes extremely red.  
  
Hitomi: HENTAI!!!! ECCHI!!!! HOW DARE YOU MAKE PROPOSITIONS LIKE THAT!!!  
  
She pulls out a huge mallet and whacks Van sending him flying into a wall.  
  
Van lays with his tounge hanging out, eyes swirly.  
  
Both girls turn and glare at Dilandau.  
  
Utena,Hitomi:As for you, litte troll!!!!..  
  
For the first time Dilandau's eyes widen in pure horror.  
  
Dilandau:AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
To be continued!(yet again)..............  
  
A/N:ZzzzzZzzzzzZzzzzzzZZZZzzzzZZZzzzzzZZZZZzzzzz.....  
Utena:Izzat fool sleeping again? I know how to wake him up!(pulls out a chainsaw and revs it up)Heheheheh.........  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N:(later)Owwwwww.....Phew I guess this is one of the longest parts yet. Yes I know Utena is probably OOC. I've only read the manga. R/R I suppose! 


	7. Fiery fun for everyone!!

Hot, Baby, Hot! part 7- Fiery fun for everyone!  
  
  
  
  
Yep I'm still alive. (Everyone boos) I finally got some extra time to continue. So, what else d'ya want me to say? Go and read!  
  
  
  
Ack where were we?(hits his head several times)Oh yep. Some stuff about Dilandau going back to Fanalia AGAIN and kidnapping Van. He tied him up to a stake and was going to burn him but he was thwarted by Hitmoi and Utena(Revolutionary girl Utena.).......yep....this just keeps getting dumber and dumber dontcha think?  
  
  
  
After much screaming and chasing around, Dilandau finally realised that he wasn't completely helpless. He suprised the two women chasing him by turning on his heel and faced them girls, grinning evilly.   
  
Dilandau: Mwuheheheheheh... Why am I allowing myself to be chased around like a mad chicken? I will kick you pretty asses!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Hitomi: Maybe because your a midget, bishonen troll? Hmmmmm?  
  
Dilandau's eyebrow twitches in anger.  
  
Dilandau: Wh-WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Dilandau: You ignorant, stupid, dumb, moronic FOOLS!!!! HOW DARE YOU MOCK THE-!!  
  
Utena interrupts his mad rant.  
  
Utena: Do you even realise how redundant you sound?  
  
Dilandau: ARRRGH!! Blame it on the author!!!  
  
**AUTHOR-Ninja girls with fans** DTemplar: Hey, You leave me out of this **AUTHOR-Ninja girls with fans**  
  
Dilandau: What-ever!!  
  
Dilandau then calls forth flames from his hands using the powers the Tiki gave him.   
  
Dilandau:GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! YOU WILL BURN IN MY OWN PRIVATE LITTLE HELL!!!!!!!  
  
Hitomi:Sheesh. You are WAY overdue for some help mister.  
  
Dilandau: Auuughhhhhhhhh!!!! DIIIEEEEEEEE!!!  
  
Dilandau charges Hitomi full on, only to be knocked out by a flying brick.  
  
Van is standing up rubbing a huge bump on his head.  
  
Van: Well that will shut him up for now.  
  
He picks up the unconsicous Dilandau and drags him inside the castle with Utena and Hitomi following.  
  
  
To be continued for now.....  
  
  
Dammit, I wish I had the time to type some more but I dont. I have alot of work that demands imidiate attention. No time to type any more! *sighs... I promise that Dilandau WILL have his revenge on Van next time! Ciao for now..... 


	8. Ummm......Dilandau strikes back!!!!

Hot, baby, Hot! part eight:(gee golly arent you getting tired of these yet?)Ummmm......Dilandau strikes back!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Yep! It's that time again boys and girls! No, little Timmy not potty time. Time to......WASTE YOUR TIME!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!Any uh......read this and stuff....and if you cant read then umm.......Oh just read it anyway!  
  
  
  
Recap? yeah, yeah I'm gettin to it.......Last time Dilandau had ALMOST achived victory again when Van threw a brick at him.....why a brick?What a stupid question! Cause it hurts dummy!  
  
  
  
And remember children! When you ask stupid questions, I'm gonna give you stupid answers!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau woke up feeling rather groggy and disorientated. He rubbed his head and frowned when he felt a rather large bump on the back of his head.  
  
Dilandau: Uhhhh.....That idiot will pay. Just as soon as I get out of here.   
  
Dilandau walks over to the bars of his cell in Van's dungeon. He notices some gaurds eating cold KFC.  
  
Dilandau: Hey you! I'll cook that for you if you let me out.  
  
The gaurds not being very bright of course walk over and let him out of his cell.  
  
Gaurd one: Yeah sounds fair to me!  
  
Gaurd two: Cold chicken sucks!  
  
Guard three: Hey! Mister Van said we had to make sure he didnt escape! He never said anything about letting him out to cook our chicken!  
  
Dilandau rolls his eyes.  
  
He flicks his finger and roasts the fast food with the flame.  
  
Gaurds: Hey thanks guy! You're the greatest!!  
  
Dilandau: Whatever...SAY!!! Do guys know where the idi- I mean Van is?!  
  
Gaurd one: Oh. The stupid guy in charge? He's playing with action figures in the main hall.  
  
Dilandau: Figures...  
  
Dilandau races towards the main hallway.  
  
  
2 and oh about one half minutes later.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau bursts out into the main hall where Van is on the floor playing with power ranger toys.  
  
Van: Ahahahahaa!!!!! Die Evil lady!!! Hiya!! I Red ranger will destroy you!!!!!   
  
He the beats the action figures together in a cheesey mock-fight.  
  
Dilandau sighs and picks up the nearby Blue ranger figure. He throws it at Van, knocking him out.  
  
Dilandau: What an idiot!!!  
  
Dilandau ties up Van and, using the gaurds help, rounds up Hitomi and Utena as well.  
  
The three sit in a stack of hay all tied up.  
  
Dilandau: I'm going to spare you the grandoise Ranting speech I usually say around this time because, to put it lightly, I AM SO ROALLY FUCKING PISSED OFF FROM GETTING BEATEN BY YOUR STUPIDITY ALL THE TIME VAN FANEL!!!!  
  
Hitomi: Sounds like a mad rant to me.  
  
Utena: I, like, SO totally agree!  
  
Dilandau: Oh SHUT UP!!!! I'm going to take over your castle and rule it! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
He then flicks his finger and sets the hay on fire with Van and the girls.  
  
He walks out skipping merriley and screaming in joy.  
  
Dilandau: AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've won!!!! I've finally won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
5 hours later.  
  
  
Dilandau sit happily atop a throne in a room with torches burning brightly. He repeatedly says 'I burned Van Fanel!! Neener, neener!!'  
  
Suprisingly the citizens of Fanalia rejoice as well, as Dilandau runs it a whole lot better than Van ever did.  
  
Meanwhile.......  
  
Van and the girls sit up coughing and hacking. They are all black and burnt.   
  
Van: Well this sucks.....  
  
Hitomi: As soon as we can untie our selves we need to clean up and stop that madman.  
  
Utena: For sure.  
  
  
To be continued...........  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Well looks like Dilandau got his revenge. You've been wanting that so bad magical dream! Will I let them unsurp Dilandau's rule? Probably not. Will I have Dilandau burn them some more? You bet. So, there you go! Look for the next installment ummm.....when I'm not tired! Now stop making me stay up anymore than I have. I'm going to bed now. I think Rei Ayanami needs me.......ummmm bye.......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
You mean you're still here? Go on git!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
OKAY!!!! Fine!!!!! Here's some candy!!!! now go!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
No, I wont be buying any girl scout cookies today!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
LEAVE ALREADY!!!!! 


	9. What if the world was run by a madman?!

Hot, Baby, Hot! part:9- What if the world was run by a mad-man?!  
  
  
  
  
Wow!!! I Updated again! Cool! I'm amaze even my own lazy ass! Who cares what I have to say! Just read!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ummm......Dilandau got his revenge last time! And uh.......Van, Utena, and Hitomi are going to try and stop him? HA!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
After Dilandau had taken over Fanalia, instead of being sad, the people were happy. They were gettin used to all of the pictures of himself Dilandau was putting up everywhere. Also were the posters that proclaimed 'HAHAHAHA!!! I BEAT VAN FANEL!!!NEENER, NEENER!' put up everywhere. Dont even get me started on the amount of propane stores that set up shop in Fanalia afterwards. Any-who, the people were much happier with Dilandau in control. Even though he wasnt the giving type, Dilandau still set up a decent free education system because, as he put quite simply in his speech entitled 'Hahaha! I rule you now!', he didnt want anyone ending up as stupid as Van. All this took place 24 hours after he took over. Oh well, let's see what Van is up to eh?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Van and his companions were getting tired of slogging through the endless dungeon of his castle.  
  
Van: My feet hurt! I'm hungry! I wanna piss! God only knows what that loon is doing to my kingdom of mine right now!  
  
Images of Dilandau turning all of the porn shops in Fanalia into beauty salons invaded his simple mind. He shuddered.  
  
Hitomi: Well we wouldn't be here if some idiot had decided not to take the big door plainly marked EXIT!!!  
  
Van: It's a trap! I'm telling you baby, a trap!  
  
Hitomi: Dont even think of calling me cute names right now mister.  
  
Utena pointed ahead.  
  
Utena: Look! A door!  
  
Van: Yay! Clean pants!  
  
Hitomi Sighs and sweatdrops.  
  
The trio enters the door and comes out on the west side of the castle.  
  
Van: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Me and my exceptional direction finding skills led us to safety!!!  
  
Hitomi and Utena sweatdrop.  
  
Hitomi pulls Van along by his shirt.  
  
Hitomi: Come along Oh-not-so-bright-one.  
  
The team walks around the castle avoiding guards until they reach the main gate.  
  
Utena: Will there be gaurds inside?  
  
Hitomi: Probably not. We past all the gaurds playing hackey-sack a while ago.  
  
Van and his companions walk into the castle. Hiking up a long flight of stairs they reach their goal, the throne room.  
  
Van: We are here to stop you Dilandau!!  
  
Dilandau looks up from the copy of 'Bishounen monthly' he is reading.  
  
Dilandau: Oh. It's the stooge and his merry 'men'. What could you possibly want?   
  
Van: Gimmie back my kingdom!  
  
Dilandau: Gimmie one good reason why?  
  
Hitomi whacks Dilandau on the head with a huge mallet.  
  
Hitomi: There's your reason! Now give my mentally-challenged husband his stupid kingdom back! Or better yet give it to me!  
  
Dilandau: *snigger* Kaff* Hic* Snigger* You really excpect me to?  
  
Hitomi: Not really!  
  
Dilandau: Heh. I wont give Fanalia back to king Idiot here.  
  
He jerks his thumb at Van, who has found the wonders of sticking his tounge in a wall socket.  
  
Dilandau: But if you guys really want it back Ill challenge you to a little game I call 'Trivia time with the coolest guy in the world-me!'  
  
Utena: What a stupid name. But what the heck! Ill play!  
  
Hitomi: I will too I suppose. It's not like Genius boy here is going to do anything about it.  
  
Van is now licking the columns in the throne room.  
  
Dilandau: What-ever. Follow me. Heheheheheh....  
  
  
45 minutes later....  
  
  
Dilandau: And the last question is! 'What fashion is SO five minutes ago?'  
  
Hitomi: Purple tank-tops and sequin skirts.  
  
Dilandau: .......AUGH!!!!!!.........  
  
Utena: Say it!  
  
Dilandau: No.  
  
Hitomi: Yes.  
  
Dilandau: Grrrrr...fine.....mmmmbl...yoummmbl...win...mmbl..  
  
Utena: We didnt hear you!  
  
Hitomi: SAY IT!  
  
Dilandau: Alright already! YOU WIN OK!!!??!?!?  
  
Utena: There!  
  
Hitomi: Now leave Fanalia like we agreed.  
  
Dilandau: Hehehehehehehe. No! I decided to change the deal! I win!  
  
Utena&Hitomi: What?!  
  
Dilandau calls a flame from his hand and burns the trio again.  
  
Dilandau: Heheheh. Im a sore loser! What can I say?  
  
He then pulls a small rope next to him causing the floor to open under Van and the girls. They fall down a slide and land sharply on their butts in the dungeon again.  
  
Van picks up a moldy sandwich off the ground and begins licking it.  
  
Hitomi: Eewwwww......  
  
Utena: Van, You are positively the biggest idiot around next to that Dilandau fool.  
  
Van: Im wearing pants!  
  
Utena: {sigh}It's going to be a loooong way back to the throne room...  
  
  
  
To be continued.........AGAIN?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Woah..... I amaze myself. Im so damn tired right now. Im not going to waste your time by ranting useless things right now. Look for the next installment soon I guess. G'night.......ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ.......this is what I do when I sleep. Heeheeheehee...ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ..........Are you bored yet?.....ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
ZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZZzzzzzZzzzZZzzZzzzZZzzZZZZ  
  
  
Ok Im up now! What? You mean you watched me sleep? Wow, you must be a dedicated reader! 


	10. (>")>Propane!!=^.^=

Hot, Baby, Hot: part 10(!)Propane and propane accsecories galore!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Wow. I'm alive. Wow.Wow. I'm alive. Wow.Wow. I'm alive. Wow.Wow. I'm alive. Wow.Wow. I'm alive. Wow.Wow. I'm alive. Wow.Wow. I'm alive. Wow.  
  
O.o' Ok......I got over that.....Uhhh yeah lets see how far I can type today before I "lose consciousness", yeah thats right "lose consciousness" ummmmm yeah......ooook time for me to see a doctor.....I must be losing my mind....................uh....read and stuff.......!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. =^.^= (")")HOT, BABY, HOT! TENTH UPDATE EDITION!!!!!!!!!!!!=^.^=  
{SuPEr DiLanDaU sPeCiaL!!!!}  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
****And remeber kids. Any bonfire, when improperly constructed is dangerous thing{although very cool :D}.****  
  
  
  
Remeber, only you can play with fire. It takes, however, water {mostly} to put it out.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Okay, ummm lemme uh whats that thing called? Uh oh yeah thinking! Lemme do that for a second......Last time Van and his friends escaped the dungeon and tried to unsurp Dilandau as ruler of Fanalia.....it uh.....failed......miserably.........yeah.........no Folken dosent have a furby......that had no pertanance to this......Oh just go an read!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau sat in the throne room, hand under his chin, looking really bored.  
  
Dilandau: God I wish he{the author} would give me somthing to do.  
  
Meanwhile THE AUTHOR! is going to give him something to do.  
  
Dilandau begins to rifle through the junk mail of the daily paper when somthing catches his eye. It's a flyer with little flames on it advertising propane stuff.  
  
Dilandau: Ohhhhhhhhhh.....firey home heating system.....must have....fiiiiiirrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............  
  
Dilandau promptly gets up and leaves for the propane shop.  
  
  
  
  
10 minutes later.  
  
  
Dilandau arrives at the shop and goes inside it. He almost faints with joy at al of the fire related products inside.   
  
Dilandau: H-have I died and gone to heaven!!?!?!? I'M IN LOVE HERE!!!! HOW MUCH FOR EVERYTHING IN THE STORE!!!!!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!  
  
The guy behind the counter shows him the prices.  
  
Dilandau: ILL TAKE IT ALL!!! INSTALL IT TODAY!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
40 minutes later.  
  
Workmen run all over the castle installing the propane heating system.  
Dilandau keeps bugging them the whole time by asking 'are you done yet?' and 'cmon cmon hurry up!'. Obviously the work men are getting annoyed at him.  
  
Dilandau: Arrrrrreeeeeee yooooouuuuuuu doooooooonnnneeeeeeee yyyyyeeeeeettttt?  
  
Workman: Look pal, if you stop bothering me I can finish alot faster.  
  
Dilandau: Oh. ooooookkkk....  
  
Dilandau slinks away. He gets an idea and decides to go down to the dungeon.   
  
  
  
Dilandau walks up to Van's new cell and looks at the trio inside. Then he makes a face at them.  
  
Dilandau: Neener!, Neener! I'm installing a new propane heating system! I'm gonna be all warm and toasty and your gonna freeze in the dungeon Neener, neener!  
  
Van: Well you dont have to brag about it so much.  
  
Hitomi: Sheesh rub it in why dontcha Dilandau.  
  
Utena sits in a corner shivering.  
  
Utena: Brr-rrrr s-so c-cold.  
  
Hitomi goes and wraps her arms around her to help keep her warm.  
  
Van: Aww cmon dude cant you at least give us blankets.  
  
Dilandau: Hpmh! no! I want you all to freeze! then maybe you will leave me alone Van Fanel.  
  
Van: Hey look your hair! Its out of place!  
  
Dilandau: What Augh!!!!  
  
Dilandau runs off the his stylist.  
  
Van: Heeheeheehee.  
  
  
  
  
20 minutes later.  
  
  
Dilandau walks out of his styling room with an angry expression on his face.  
  
Dilandau: Idiot fooled me... Grrr..... I hope he freezes to death soon.  
  
A guard runs up to him.  
  
Guard: Uh Mr.Dilandau, sir! The uh umm prisoners have escaped.  
  
Dilandau: Wha-at? Round them up immidiatly!!  
  
Guard: We uh would if we err... uhhh... could sir but the prisoners, they umm....uh.......bribed all of your guards with teeny bopper pop concert tickets.  
  
Dilandau: AUUUGHHH!!!! Hire new better guards immidiatly!  
  
Guard salutes him.  
  
Guard: Sir yes sir!  
  
He is about to run off when Dilandau stops him again.  
  
Dilandau: Soldier!  
  
Guard: Sir?  
  
Dilandau: Get me....project.... "D.I.C." Heheheheheheheheh  
  
Guard: D-do you think thats wise sir?  
  
Dilandau: Nothing is to extreme when you are dealing with idiots Guard.  
  
Guard: Very well then sir!  
  
The Guard leaves.  
  
Dilandau: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I WILL RID OF YOU FOREVER VAN FANEL!!! FORGET KEEPING YOU IN MY DUNGEON!!!! I have a more sinister plan for you Van Fanel!!!! Heheheheheheheheh!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: OOK....What is project D.I.C.?! Will Van suceed?!{Probably not!}, Find out next time on Hot, Baby, Hot!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Aboard the ship 'Outlaw Star'  
  
  
  
  
Gene staggers into the living area of the ship. He trips over some junk laying around. He stares at the T.V. . On it is a silver haired bishonen laughing his ass off with flames all around him. Gene picks up the remote and turns the T.V. off. "Sheesh Whaat aaaa weird show *HIC* Heeheeheehee *Hic*Hic*Hic*HICCUP*Kaff*Kaff*". Gene hits the floor with a rather loud thump. A moment later Melfina walks in with a load of laundry. "Gene! You're drunk!" 


	11. Project D.I.C.?! Oh no!

Hot, Baby, Hot! part 11{Had enough already?}Project D.I.C!?Oh no!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Wow, 11 is a lot for me............  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Last time Dilandau had a propane system to be installed, also Van and Co. Have broken out of the dungeon again. Dilandau has ordered the mysterious project D.I.C. to intrevene.......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A hapless guard walks down a long flight of stone stairs. Coming to the end of the steps, he arrives in front of a large metal door. The door has various locks and chains wrapped around it. A lot of rapid talking can be heard from inside. The letters D.I.C are printed on the door in large bold red letters. The guard's fear shows plainly in his eyes.   
  
  
Guard:Gee I dont really wanna do this but.....Lord Dilandau says it's necessary....  
  
He pulls a key out of his pocket and unlocks the locks with it.  
  
As the door creaks open a trio of small harmless looking men in business suits walk out.  
  
Man#1: Hello.  
Man#2:We are.  
Man#3:D.I.C. Dubbers!  
  
  
The guard runs away in fear.  
  
Guard:Whaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! I want my mommy!!!  
  
  
Man#2:We should change his personality so he doesnt teach American kids to run away way from men in suits.  
  
Man#1:Lets go and see the guy who put us here.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
35 minutes later.  
  
  
  
  
The businessmen walk into Dilandau's throne room.  
  
Dilandau sits in his huge golden, jewel adorned chair, torches and fires burning all around him.  
  
The Dubbers look him up and down. Finally one speaks.  
  
Man#2:You know, all that fire is setting a bad example for the children. And stop slouching, cant be teaching kids bad posture! Tsk!  
  
Dilandau: H-how dare you insolents mock me in my own chambers! I command you! You do not tell your commander what to do!!  
  
Man#1:But that would be against the freedom of speech right! Equality! we must have complete equality!  
  
Dilandau:Arrghhh!!!!! How dare you!!! I will have you all burn in *Beep*! Wha-? What the F-*Beep* are you doing to my words?! Why cant I curse!  
  
Man#3:No,no,no Mr.Dilandau! We musnt have you teaching the kids bad language!  
  
Dilandau:!?!?!?!ARRRRGGHHH!!?!?!?! What kids?! This is MY kingdom you I-*beep*! What? I cant even call you guys I-*beep*?  
  
Man#1:Ah-Ah! Name calling is a no-no too Mr.!  
  
  
Dilandau: This is injustice!  
  
Dilandau:Well, YOU"RE the author door something!  
  
"Author!Ninja girls with fans" DTemplar looks up from his bowl of ramen noodles. DTemplar: Well what the F*beep* do you want me to do? Hey waitaminit!! Dubbing me isnt F*beep* funny! I'm the author here!! Just who the heck is typing this huh? Good L*beep*! D*beep* to H*beep*. I'm going to bed! you fix this on your own!"Author!Ninja girls with fans"  
  
Man#3: Nope sorry no religeous references here!  
  
Dilandau: Grrrrr......Fine.... Ill stop cursing for now. But I need you guys to do something for me. Hehehehehehe.  
  
  
All three men: What is it?  
  
Dilandau shows them a picture of Van and his companions.  
  
Dilandau: Find and rid me of these three people.  
  
Man#2:Now, by find and rid do you mean 'destroy'?  
  
Man#3:Yeah because harming them would be against FCC regulations.  
  
Dilandau:Auughhhh!! Well what CAN you people do that is not against some stupid regulation!  
  
Man#1: Well, we can rewrite things so that they get sent to an alternate dimension.   
  
Dilandau: Fine! Do whatever! As long as I never have to look at them again!  
  
Man#3: Wait. Who excactly is the 'badguy' here? We must know.  
  
Man#2: Yes. We cant have Evil winning. We have to have the hero always save the day! Promotes goodness!  
  
Dilandau: Arghhhhh....you guys are really getting on my nerves!! I'M THE GOOD GUY O.K.!! So there!!!  
  
Men:Okay dokay!!  
  
On the way out the Dubbers have the flames in Dilandaus throne room put out. Dilandau begins to cry.  
  
  
Dilandau:I....need...to...Sniff...get a better D*beep* plan!! Doh!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
To be continued!........  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Well that sure was F*beep* weird. Darn..........  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Outlaw Star*  
  
  
  
  
  
Gene flicks off the T.V. "I feel sorry for that Dilandau guy. He seems like a really cool dude! Stupid DIC Dubbers." He walks down the hallway to the kitchen for a snack. Upon entering the kitchen he finds Melfina on thhe ground kicking and laughing like an insane person. He looks over to the left and sees Suzuka sitting there looking totally wasted. Aisha has fallen over onto her side with swirls in her eyes. Some marijuanna is on the table. Gene looks at the girls and then at the weed and then back at the girls again. "I dont know and I dont wanna know." 


	12. Intermission of insanity!

{Intermission of insanity!}  
  
  
Yeah, Yeah, Twelve is coming!  
  
  
This intermission will have people from Escaflowne, Outlaw Star, Tenchi, Neon Genesis and many, many more special guests! Join them as they talk about the series! The actors! Candid interviews! Massive stupidity!! This will be the first of 3 planned such intermissions!  
  
  
  
Intermission of insanity! Special DvD Extras!! Part one: Series interviews!  
  
Hikari{NGE}: What DvD?! This is Microsoft notepad!you really are getting dilusional!   
  
DTemplar: S-shut up! I can type what ever I want!Ahahahahaahahahahahahha!!!!!!  
  
Hikari: Yep, you need some help Mr.! Lemme refer you to Shinji's psycologist.  
  
DTemplar: HIM?!?! I dont think hes a very good one. Look at Shinji! Hes still a basket case!  
  
Hikari: Well seek some help or Ill tell the readers about that NGE lemon you were thinking about typin!  
  
DTemplar: You wouldnt dare!  
  
Hikari: Oh but I would!  
  
DTemplar: Grrrr...If I didnt like you so much then I would kick your ass.....  
  
Hikari: Tee hee! Time to get on with the show!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
01:Production  
  
With Hikari.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau.  
  
  
Hikari: So Dilandau, tell us about a typical production day for you.  
  
Dilandau: Well, first we have to wait for that lazy author to get up off of his rear and turn on the P.C. Then we have to wait for him to set up his stupid desktop decorations! It's sooooo annoying. But hey! It leaves me plenty of time to fix up my perfect hair and looks! Ahahaha!  
  
Hikari: Ooooook...   
  
Hikari: OK, tell us about your co-stars.  
  
Dilandau: Oh yes, theres Hitomi, I guess shes ok most of the time though I cant figure out why she sticks with...that....idiot husband of hers......*shudders* and theres the Utena chick, I dont know much about her other than that she came into the series late. The guards are ok to work with mostly, some of them are annoying though I cant really say much about them. And then there is the......Idiot.....The thorn in my side, that stupid, stupid Van Fanel. But it dosent matter much now! Since I have his kingdom and have defeated him AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!BURN! VAN FANEL!!!   
  
Dilandau makes flames shoot up from his hands.  
  
Hikari: O____o' Ok...... ummm thats all for uh now heh....  
  
Dilandau: Heh! Hey you okay looking! Be my Queen!!!  
  
He grabs Hikari and runs off screaming like a true madman.  
  
Hikari:EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Van.  
  
  
With Folken.  
  
  
  
  
Folken sits down in a large, red, plush chair with a bubble pipe in his mouth. Van sits in an identical chair across from him. He is pokeing himself in the side.  
  
Van: Hehehehehe!  
  
Folken: Um...Ahem....Ok....How do you feel about this production?  
  
Van: I get free pants!! And food!  
  
Folken: Um yes.....  
  
Van glomps Folken and gives him a tight squeeze.  
  
Van: I luv you brother......  
  
Folken pushes him off.  
  
Folken: Yes..Hum..ok..uh, Do enjoy working on this fanfic?  
  
Van: Mister Dilly is a meanie! So is mr Lazy author! Mr lazy author ties me up with chains and whips and beats me till I listen.  
  
DTemplar: Oh that is SO not true!  
  
Van: And Dilly picks on me all the time! He wrecked my really neat robot man!!  
  
Folken: Ok...this is going nowhere...Ummmm.....bye?  
  
Van glomps Folken again.  
  
Van: We are gonna be bestest brothers and buddys!  
  
Folken: R-right....  
  
  
  
  
Anmd umm now for a comment from a reader!!  
  
  
Gene Starwind: This Fanfic? It's strange, the author is incredibaly lazy, has a Hikari wallpaper, hugs his Rei action figure at night, Sits down and flys his Outlaw Star ship model around his house-!  
  
DTemplar: Arrrghh!! This is about the Fanfic! Not me!!!  
  
Gene: Oh ok then. I uh heh I read it when I was drunk off my ass!  
  
DTemplar sighs heavily.  
  
Dtemplar: Time to end this Edition of The Intermission of insanity!  
  
Tune into Part twelve coming up soon. Now please pardon me, I have a riot on the characters salarys to tend to....bye fer now! 


	13. Wow, What a day for idiocy!

Hot, Baby, Hot:Part 13: Wow, what a day for idiocy!  
  
  
  
  
Yeah, yeah I know I said that this was gonna be part 12 but I decided to name it 13 instead. Call the intermission another part. I just did this because it would be easier on my brain. This part picks up from where part 11 left off so you arent missing any thing. ^_^'  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ok, last time Dilandau had ordered the mysterious Project D.I.C. to find and get rid of van and his gang for good.......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
[] Denotes a thought from here on.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau sits in his royal throne room ,slouched in his chair ,drumming his fingers repeatedly on the arm of the chair. He looked straight ahead, deep in thought.  
  
  
Dilandau: [Why, why does that stupid Van Fanel continually pester me, foiling my plans? Well heh...no more Van Fanel, no more will you and your cronies interfere! I, Dilandau, shall have my secret weapon put an end to your stupidity right now!! Soon, yes, very soon......heh heh heh heh........]  
  
A young pimple faced guard walks up to him.   
  
Guard: Sir! Your ummm...new propane stove is on fire because your underwear...it uh...  
  
Dilandau snaps out of his thoughts.  
Dilandau: W-What?!?! AUUGHH MY BEUTIFUL PROPANE STOVE NOOO!!!!GAAHHHH!!! WHAT FOOL WOULD LEAVE HIS UNDERWEAR IN HIS OVEN WHILE ITS ON?!?!  
  
Guard: Um...you...sir....  
  
Dilandau cuts off his stove and uses a pot holder to remove the now crisped undergarments. A guard has fire extingusher and is putting out the fire.  
  
Dilandau: Huff-puff... I wonder how those DIC guys are doing?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile........  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Somewhere in the sewers of Fanalia.....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Van and his companions had been following a passege through Fanalia's sewers for hours. Dilandau had ordered his men to set up lock at the exit to the dungeon. The only way out Van and his companions had was an old anti-seige supply tunnel that ran through the sewers of Fanalia. Obviously the girls were not happy about this at all, ecspecially Hitomi who was wearing her short school skirt.  
  
  
Hitomi: E-eww. This is so nasty. My legs are getting soaked in God only knows whats in this water!  
  
Utena looks up from a map of the sewers the group had found on a wall.  
  
Utena: Hey do you guys hear something?  
  
Hitomi: Yeah, come to think of it actually I do hear something like..voices!  
  
Van pops up from under the water.  
  
Van: Hey look! I found an old boot!  
  
He then trys to chew on it.  
  
Hitomi: Not now van. We hear someone.  
  
Van: People? where?  
  
Hitomi: Over here we think. Follow us.  
  
Van: Okley Dokley!  
  
Hitomi:*Sigh*  
  
  
  
The trio sees the three small men in business suit walk up to them.  
  
Man#1: Hello. We are DIC dubbers!  
  
Van: Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!  
  
Hitomi: Oh my...this must be the work of Dilandau...  
  
Utena: OH S*beep*  
  
Utena:D*beep*  
  
  
Van clicks out of stupidity mode and clenches his fists.  
  
Van: Ill protect you!  
  
Hitomi rolls her eyes.  
  
Hitomi: Oh boy..My hero....  
  
Utena: Eeekkk! Get them! Lets beat the snot out of them!  
  
Van pulls his arm back and punches the first little man with his hardets blow. His punch is blocked by a mysterious field and he is thrown back about 5 feet.  
  
Van: Owies.....  
  
Man#2: Ah-ah-ah! We cant be having ANY violence! None at all!  
  
Van: Wish you had told me BEFORE I tried to punch you....  
  
Hitomi: Guys! we cant beat them ourselves! They are immune to violence of any kind! And kindness only makes them stronger! There is only one weapon in the whole world that can defeat them!  
  
Utena: What?  
  
Hitomi: I read about this in a book once! If there are DIC after you, you need to sic 'Mad, Devoted Otaku' on them!  
  
Van: Well where do we get one of those?  
  
Hitomi: The Mad Otaku shop on BadFanfic street silly!  
  
Van: O-ok....  
  
Utena: We need to do something quickly! #3 is writing us into a badly organized American T.V. season for kids!  
  
Utena: Ahhhhh! Now they are trying to make Kids WB aquire us!  
  
Van: Utena! You go and get us some Otaku! The exit is not to far ahead! Hurry! We will hold them off!  
  
Utena nods her head.  
  
Utena: Mmm hmm! Im going!  
  
She dashes past #2 who tries to grab her arm and she jumps over #3 blocking hey way out.  
  
Utena: [Hang in there guys! Ill be back with those Otaku! I promise!]  
  
  
  
To be continued! Again!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Will Utena make it the the Otaku shop on BadFanfic street in time? Keep reading(AND REVEIWING!!!!!!!!)to find out!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Well, I liked that part. I actually had more than 10 minutes to sit down ans think this time around! Yay! I usally only get 12 minutes to sit and think! Yay! More time is cool! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yaaaaaaaaay!!  
  
  
  
A/N: I also want some one to read my fic Blue Sky. Its a Sailor Moon/DBZ crossover fic. And one of my early ones too. God was it bad. I WANT some one to MST it for me out of good fun! Please tell me in your reveiw if you want to MST! PLEASE MST IT SOME ONE!!!! E-mail me at: CrystalBladesman@aol.com if you are interested.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Aboard the Outlaw Star.  
  
  
  
  
Gene Starwind sits in his bathtub surrounded by scented bubble bath. He has floating a rubber duckey around and macking qaucking sounds. Ashia opens the door and peers inside. "EEEEEEEEKK!!!" Gene shouts. "You leave me and Ducky alone! What we have is special!!". Asiha promptly shuts the door. "That," she says "was disturbing" before walking on. 


	14. Mad Otaku? Oh no....

Hot, Baby, Hot Part 14: Mad Otaku? Oh no...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Yeah, last time the trio had encountered Dilandau's secret weapon. They fought with the DIC and were losing until Hitomi remembered somthing from a book, that DIC could only be beaten by mad Otaku, umm ok...Utena was ent to get some......and uh......stuff......yep stuff.....ok go away and read now.................................  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Van yelled in pain again as he was thrown into another wall by the Dubber #3.  
  
Man#3: Hahahahaha *snort* Heeheeheehee! You cannot defeat me puny mortal! I will rewrite you so much that you wont recognize yourself! AHAHAHAHA!  
  
Man#2: Heh. Your friend will not make it back in time to save you! You all will be thrust into our american T.V. show! And we will give it some silly name like 'Escaflonez!' *snort* Ahahahahahahahahahah *snort*.  
  
Van: O.o, What kind of name is that?  
  
Hitomi: Wait! I hear something!  
  
Everyone turns their heads towards the end of the sewer tunnel. A pink haired girl carrying a huge box slips and falls into the muck.  
  
Utena: Owwwww!..... H-here are your Otaku!  
  
Hitomi: Now Utena! Release them!  
  
Utena opens the long side of the crate and a pimple faced girl and boy come out.  
  
Girl Otaku: Hmmmm....Ha! EEEEEEEEEKKKKK!!!! VANNNNNNNNNN!!!!  
  
Her eyes light up immidiatly at the sight of Van. She runs over and glomps him. ACKKKKKKK!!! YOURE SOOOOOOOOO BISHONEN!!!!!! EEEEKKKKKK!!!  
  
The Boy Otaku runs over and begins to worship Utena and Hitomi.  
  
Boy Otaku: Oh Mighty and beutiful shojo goddesses! I cannot even begin to count all of the fandom shrines I have made in your honor! Is there ANYTHING I can do for you, oh pretty ones?!  
  
Both girls sweatdrop.  
  
Utena&Hitomi: Heh. O-okay....umm destroy those DIC over there for us!  
  
Both otaku get up from their respective worshipping positions and glare at the DIC.   
  
Otaku: Heh! We will get you for disgracing all of anime!  
  
The otaku make a mad charge at the DIC, Mighty Pens'o'Fanfiction raised high, poised and ready.   
  
DIC: A-AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Boy: This is for Sailor moon!!!! AUAUAUAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!  
  
A- ummmmm large dust cloud swirls around the fight, partly because there is just too much violence that would ashame even an NC-17 fiction and mostly because I'm incredibly lazy.  
  
After the dust clears, the otaku sit down back to back huffing and puffing.  
  
Girl: That-hff-was-pff-hard-hff.  
  
Boy: Yeah-hff-but-hff-we-pff-did it-hff.  
  
Utena: Well guess its over.  
  
Van: What's over? Tea time?  
  
Everyone but Van face-faults.  
  
Utena: Well lets go then! Were free again!  
  
???: Heheheheh. Not so fast.  
  
Everyone turns aorund to face Dilandau. He has an AK-47 asault rife slung over his shoulder, a missile launcher in hs left hand at his side, and his sword in its sheath for good measure.  
  
Dilandau: Tsk-Tsk. If ya want something done you just gotta do it yourself these days.  
  
He points his rifle at Van. It clicks as the mechanisims are moved.  
  
Dilandau: Say good-bye Van Fanel.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ill just let you hang in suspense for now.......hehehehehehehe......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I hate beans.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Why do you even care?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Life sucks.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Im wasting space. Hehehehehe.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
On board the outlaw star.  
  
  
  
  
  
Gene gets up from the couch. "Bathroom break!". 


	15. Dilandau's lost it....

Hot, Baby, Hot: part 15:Dilandau's lost it....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Outlaw star.  
  
Gene sits on his bed. He is poking himself as Jim and Ashia walk by. "Gene! The Author's stupid fic is on!" Gene looks at the boy. "I poked myself!". "Augh! Never mind Gene!".  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Yep. Im dumb. Go read.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Uh....The Dic were defeated by the Otaku and Dilandau has shown up with some uh.....weapons to kill Van...yeah........  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau smirks with satisfaction.   
  
Dilandau: Heh heh heh, Ive finally got you Van Fanel! Prepare to DIIIIIEEEEEE!!!! AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
  
Unfortunatly poor Dilandau doesnt know about the Otaku. He is caught of guard as the girl otaku glomps herself onto him.  
  
Girl: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
DILLY!!!!!!! ITS REALLY YOU OMIGOD HES SOOOOOOOOOOO REAL ILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
By now Dilandau is turning blue from lack of circulation caused by the raving fangirl's hug.  
  
  
Dilandau pushes himself free and knocks the hyper teen out with the butt of his rifle. He curses in anger when he finds out that Van and his group have run off.  
  
  
Dilandau: Hfff....huffff...hffff.... you cant escape me Van Fanel! eheheheheheheheeheheheheheeheheheeheheheheheheeheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheeheeheheheheheeeeeeeheheheeheeehheheheheheheheeeheeehee. I WILL BURN YOU!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!  
  
Dilandau uses the launcher to blow a hole in the ceiling of the sewer. He climbs out and runs off towards his castle.  
  
  
Dilandau: Your stupidity cant stop me forever Van Fanel!! I will WIN!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Somewhere else on Fanalia....  
  
  
Van and the others stop to sit down on a bench to rest.  
  
Utena: D'ya think we lost him?  
  
Hitomi: I hope so. Moron boy here is getting on my nerves.  
  
Van is trying to eat the boy Otaku, who is trying to fight Van off.  
  
Boy: Help! Hes trying to eat me!  
  
Hitomi: Okay king idiot thats enough.  
  
Van: Awww but I'm hungry....  
  
Hitomi looks at her own grumbling stomach.  
  
Hitomi: Guess we are all hungry. Lets get something to eat.  
  
Utena points at a Food-To-Go restraunt.  
  
Utenu: Lets try there guys.  
  
The group walks into the restraunt. They walk up to the counter.  
  
  
  
Clerk: Hello how may I help you?  
  
Hitomi: Yes. We would like two quicke meals to go and a quick kidde meal for the slow one.  
  
Van is giggling hysterically as he squirts ketchup unit his mouth from the dispenser.  
  
Van: Gaheheheheehehe! Fun!!!  
  
Hitomi: Jeeeez......cmon monkey man lets go over here.  
  
A few minutes later the clerk give them their food. As they take it, a large jet of flame comes from behind them, burning the food and the clerk.   
  
Van: Cool! If thats how they cook fast food, forget being king of Fanalia! I wanna be a fry cook!!  
  
Hitomi: Eh heh....look behind you....  
  
The group turns around slowly to face Dilandau, the Dragon slayers, and both the Zaibach and Fanalian armys combined.   
  
Dilandau: You arent getting away this time Van Fanel!!!!! AUGHHHHHHH!!  
  
  
Dilandau: Throws a huge fireball at the group, crisping them.  
  
Van: Owies.....  
  
Hitomi: Ack! kaff!!!kaff!! You crazy-  
  
She falls to the ground unconcious.  
  
Utena stands up and draws her rapier. In front of her are at least a hundred well armed soldiers.  
  
Utena: Uh guys........help......please......dont hurt me....please....  
  
  
  
To be continued.....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Yeh, yeh, another crummy cliffhanger right? Well tough! be glad I wrote this much! Im goin to nap!  
  
  
  
And about the Rapier. Dont ask please. My brain hurts enough already.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Frogs are just a tool for world domination.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
This is what my mind is like.^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 


	16. Ummmm.....uhhhhh.......errrr.....ahhh......

Hot, Baby, Hot part 16: Ummmm.....uhhhhh.......errrr.....ahhh....uhhhh..........ehhhhhhhhhh....Part 16?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
No, Im not dead. ::eyes reader supiciously:: why do you care so much? Huuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh I mean when was the last time I asked if YOU were dead?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Last time Dilandau had Van fan idiot and his team surrounded by soldiers!!!!!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Uten looked to her left then to her right. There were soldiers all around her. All of the sudden she got a bright idea. She put her arms around her waist and began to lift the top of her shirt off the reveal her nice, round......................................................  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ummm......... excuse me, I think we got too carried away there.......That should ah be written.................................  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Utena ran towards the gaurds and began hacking and slashing, fortunatly for her these were the same not so bright gaurds encountered before. They took one look at all the fighting and decided that the pay wasnt worth it and they all left to go play poker and 56 gin rummy. Dilandau was left alone, but for some reason he didnt seem frightend... oh yeah its those fire powers of his...Heh.....  
  
Dilandau knew that this was going to go nowhere with the gaurds anyway so he called up apon his best backup plan-himself. Giggling insanley, he held his hands outstreched, palms open. An intense barrage of reddish and yellow flame burst from his palms and into Utena and her two unconcious companions.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Poor Utena.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Utena looks up at the author and cocks and eyebrow.   
  
Utena: What do you mean "poor Utena".  
  
The author being to bust at the moment, decides to let her fall unconcious.  
  
Utena comments about the authors laziness as she hits the ground.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Much, much later.....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The trio awakens in a small holding cell. They sit up and begin rubbing their very achy heads. After a moment Hitomi gets up and brushes herself off.  
  
  
Hitomi: Where the hell are we?  
  
She looks around. They appear to be in a small room, the sides are completely mirrored metal. It also isint very cold.   
  
  
Van: Woah!!   
  
He pulls down his pant and begins to moon himself in the mirror.  
  
Van: I'm moooooooooooning myself Hitomi!  
  
Hitomi: Garrrrrr....Stoppit moron boy.  
  
she pops Van over the head.  
  
Van: Owwwww...fine meanie butt!  
  
He begins to poke his refelction.  
  
Hitomi: *sigh*  
  
They all look up when the sound of an intercom pipes up.  
  
They can hear a voice begin speaking. It is clearly Dilandaus.  
  
Dilandau: Aheheheheheh...What do you all think of my 'Super Shovenkook oven?' Eheheheheh.....It will amplify my powers by 7888989797074367504607567430657043605043657063475670437650463056740365743650643075043650647065047654330675034760570436503765046350465074635046305740560324650436056734067504305764304730267056475650437503460574507654756046574054757045034657702527467504704356704365743065767027504605746356403275404745945674675754657456774560374027032057043376540347544765407256704377604567345054643256054674506404645046740746046484827487004084045043500888843075437654736056437560567430535240-513-4143-47323037605467347034764543034276570236530564302502730565235054256084654380234560450468503465784365706347056439067605435743543478734536434505740675405600743650743605743657643765743657465764765746757466567675845076450763486754867548765407836754796567504554398034064043627053446506453043764537043674649576 times!!!!!!!! Ehehehehehehehehe!!! I will use it to burn you all aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiveeee muahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!  
  
Utena: Ooooookaaaaay then, but why?  
  
Dilandau: *sigh* have you learned nothing since you have been fighting with Van Fanel? I will kill that loser anmd any friends he might have!  
  
Utena: Have you considered therapy?  
  
Hitomi: For real.  
  
Van: The-rapist? Where?!!?!  
  
Hitomi sighs and clocks Van on the head again.  
  
Hitomi: It's Therapist stupid.  
  
Dilandau: Augh! Stop ignoring me!!!  
  
Utena: Well It's not like you have anything important to say.  
  
Dilandau: Grrrr.....EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
He presses a big red button marked 'PUSH TO BURN VAN FANEL HEHEHEHEHEHE'.  
  
  
Dilandau: Eheheheheh. So long Fanel, It's been real!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Van: Pulls his fingers out of his nose and looks at him puzzled as his vision goes black.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N:Eheheheeheheheheheheheheheheheheehehehehe.........Im sooo lazy Ill leave it at another dumb cliffhanger!!!!! What a waste of your time!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
SOON ALL OF YOUR.........................dramatic pause.....................................................................................BASE WILL BELONG TO US!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Please dont litter my thinking area. Thank you.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Thiz scentetce puposeley misspelled.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I have 10 fingers and 10 toes! Beat that! Ha! 


	17. Where exactly is this plot-line going?

Hot, Baby, Hot: Part 17: Where exactly is this plotline going?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Sorry it's been so long. The muse hath not cometh in a long time.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Last time Dilandau had Utena cornered. He was about ready to kill her and Van when Several factors of stupidity and multiple counts of author laziness contributed to Dilandau capturing her. The exact reasons can only be explained through a series of complex and long mathmatical equations all of wich I am to busy to explain, not that you would understand them anyway because the type of math needed to compute those equations hasn't even been invented yet. Now stop looking at your screen all funny and go read!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau cackled madly. Yes madly. The same kind of madly that one would expect from and evil person hell bent on taking over a country and yes, eventually, the world. Ah yes such mad cackling brought satisfaction to Dilandau. At least until he pressed a certain big red and clearly visible button marked 'press to kil Van Fanel hahahaha'. Any way as he-what? why are you interrupting the fanfiction? Why does the button have to be big and red and clearly marked you ask? Well, what a silly and altogether stupid question. So he can clearly find it in the middile of the night of course! You never know when you have to rid yourself of some do-gooder threating to stop your evil rein of terror. now if you are quite done asking dumb questions then I woul like to continue this story thank you.   
  
  
  
Dilandau pressed the big red and clearly marked button. He frowned when it failed to activate his super weapon. He looked through the observation window down at Van. Van was busy poking himself and generally making an ass of himself.  
  
Dilandau began banging on the main control panel. After aabout five minutes of this. He gave up. he decided that yelling and screaming at his gaurds would get better results.  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau: What the hell is wrong with this dammned machine!?!?! SOMEBODY ANSWER ME!!!!! WHY ISIN'T MY SHOVENBAKE OVEN WORKING RIGHT?!!?!  
  
The gaurds stood around looking down at their feet. After a few moments they began shuffling around. Finally one got the courage to speak.  
  
Gaurd: Uh well sir..ummm....you might want to plug it in first.   
  
Dilandau Looks over at the power plug. It is lying on the floor, out of the socket.  
  
Dilandau: Oh. Well that is a problem.  
  
Dilandau orders one of his lackeys to fix the problem. Dilandau stands in front of the window to the oven room again. He begin to laugh madly.  
  
Dilandau: Now it's time for you to die Van Fanel! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Another gaurd walks up to Dilandau. He salutes him nervously.   
  
Gaurd: Uh sir..... the prisoners have escaped again.....  
  
Dilandau: What??! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!?!?  
  
Gaurd: Well umm....it appears that someone forgot to lock the door to the burning chamber.   
  
Dilandau balls up his fists and screams with rage. Then after a long winded howl, he sinks to the floor and begins to cry.  
  
Dilandau: W-whaa!.......WHY MUST I BE SURROUNDED BY SO MANY INCOMPOTENTS!! ALL THESE FOOLS!! CAN NOTHING BE DONE RIGHT?!?!?   
  
Dilandau: A-ahem, who excatly was in charge of the keys today?  
  
Gaurd: Uh-Stan s-sir.  
  
Dilandau gets up and dusts himself off.  
  
Dilandau: Well Find this 'Stan' Guy and have him beheaded. I have more important matters to attend to.  
  
Gaurd: Y-yes sir!  
  
The gaurd scurries off as Dilandau heads out the main doors.  
  
  
  
  
Later......  
  
  
  
Dilandau barges through the doors of his R&D Lab department. He walks up to a short little gray haired man wearing enormous glasses.   
  
Dilandau: Get me the......Geek!  
  
The sky flashes behind him and thunder sounds and one can hear dum-da-dum sound in the background.  
  
Lab tech: Y-yes lord Dilandau sir!  
  
The tech scurries off and comes back five minutes later with a fat, pimple faced guy wearing big black glasses and wearing spandex. Lights flash and the words Stero-type flash around in big bold letters.   
  
Geek: What soth thou need my lord and-hicsnort-sovereign-snoooooorrrrrrrrttttttttttttt.   
  
Dilandau: Absolutley nothing. I just wanted to insult you. Insulting people lower than me strangley makes me feel better you stupid fool. You are a loser who does nothing but colllect comic books and eat junk food all day long. You play rpg's on the playstation and you are a lazy slob for that. Hahahahahaha I am 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times cooler than you. Neener neener!  
  
The geek runs off crying and snorting.  
  
Dilandau: Wow, that made me feel loads better. It almost makes up for loser boy getting away again.  
  
Dilandau: Now, I nee some sort of reasonably intelligent plan worthy of my vast intelligence to catch that fool and moron.  
  
Tech: Uhh...that was redundant my lord....  
  
Dilandau: Ill decide whats redundant around here! The stupidity that runs rampant around here is redundant! Now get out of my sight! I must formulate my plans! You stupidity is interrupting my thought processes!  
  
  
later.....  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau is still standing around rubbing his chin, thinking.  
  
  
Later.....  
  
  
  
Dilandau is still standing around rubbing his chin, thinking.  
  
  
Later.....  
  
  
Dilandau is still standing around rubbing his chin, thinking.  
  
  
Later.....  
  
  
Dilandau is still standing around rubbing his chin, thinking.  
  
  
Later.....  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau is still standing around rubbing his chin, thinking.  
  
  
  
  
Later.....  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau is still standing around rubbing his chin, thinking.  
(A/N: I'd better stop. This is getting to spamficcy. But cut and paste is so much fun! Mmmmm....paste.....)  
  
  
  
  
Later......  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau is still standing around rubbing his chin, thinking.  
  
  
  
  
Later.......  
  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau is still standing around rubbing his chin, thinking.  
  
  
  
  
Later.......  
  
  
  
Dilandau is still standing around rubbing his chin, thinking.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Awwww fuck it.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Later.......  
  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau is still standing around rubbing his chin, thinking. But suddenly his eyes light up.   
  
Dilandau: I got it! The perfect plan!  
  
Dilandau runs off to somewheres else.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
What? Do I look like I really know? I'm just narrating this! I think.  
  
  
  
  
  
Which now the author belives this is a good time to end this for today. His cat has just pissed on the floor. Stupid cat. But he loves her. It's his own fault for shutting the garage door in which the litter box is located.  
  
  
  
And what exactly is Dilandau's evil plan? I dont know and I dont care right now.   
  
  
  
  
A/N: Wow cat pee smells! Hey maybe I can sell it as a fragrance plug-in and make millions! Ill have to work that out later.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
=^.^= 


	18. The Lemon and the evil plan!

Hot, Baby, Hot#18: The Lemon and the evil plan!  
  
  
{!Lemon Alert!}  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau sat on his main hall floor, whistiling happily. He sat fiddling with a small device on the floor.   
  
Dilandau: Nyahahahahahahaha!!!! Sooooooon finally I shall be rid of that annoying VAN FANEL!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOO HOOHOOHOO HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!   
  
There was a small knock on one of the doors. Dilandau looked up, annoyed.   
  
Dilandau: What is it? I thought I told you that I dont want to be-ooooo...  
  
Hitomi walked through the door. She smiled at him seductivly, Her shirt was slightly pulled up adn her skirt was hiked up far.  
  
Hitomi: Ohhhh Looooooord Dilandau....I need a nice.....big.....strong.....man to help me out with something. That idiot Van cant satisfy my needs......wont you pleeeeeese help me?  
  
  
Dilandau: Erk....uhhhh...what...do you need help with.....? Heh?  
  
Hitomi: This...!   
  
She kneeled down in front of him, face near his crotch. Dilandau gulped and a zipper was heard.  
  
Hitomi: Oooooo it's sooo big!  
  
Dilandau: Well...yes..I try...!  
  
Hitomi: And perfectly shaped too! Can I taste it?!  
  
Dilandau: Uhh sure....  
  
Hitomi's lips parted and her head went down. She bobbed her head up and down several times, making sucking noises.   
  
Hitomi: Mmmmm It tastes soooo good Lord Dilandau!  
  
Dilandau: Uhhh yeah....vitamins and minerals....  
  
Hitomi lifted her head back up and wiped off some fluid dripping from her mouth.   
  
Hitomi: Mmmm your juice tastes sooooo good Dilandau!  
  
Dilandau: Yeh..yeah....  
  
Hitomi helpd up a large, plump lemon that had a bite mark on the top of it.   
  
(What? Did you think that I would write and actual lemon for this stupid story? PERVERTS!!)  
  
Hitomi: I never knew that you were such a good lemon farmer Dilandau!  
  
She help up a bag labled 'Prize Lemons' and zipped it back up.  
  
Hitomi: Well at any rate, I'm sorry that I gotta do this Dilly.  
  
Dilandau: Do what? Dont you wanna hear abou- WAIT A MINUTE!!! WHY ARE YOU HERE! YOUR ONE OF THE DWEEB SQUAD MEMBERS!!!! GAHAHAHAHAH! NYA DIIIEEE!!!!  
  
Dilandau picks up a rather large and scary, not to mention painful looking sword off his wall and begins swinging it around madly.   
  
Hitomi sighs and kicks him in th crotch. Dilandau's sword hits the floor with a loud clatter. She then throws a net over him, ties it, and drags him off.  
  
Dilandau:.........Shit in a basket......  
  
  
  
  
Well, what is Hitomi planning on doing with Dilandau? What was Dilandaus evil plan? How did he become such a good lemon farmer? Where is my clean underwear? Why did the chicken cross the road? Which way is up? Find out the answers to these questions and more....later!....Yes later!! 


	19. MICHEALWHO!

Hot, Baby, Hot! part 19: OMG IT'S MICHEAL....WHO!?!  
  
  
  
  
Well, last time Dilandau was captured and stuff...  
  
It has been a meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelion years since anything has been added to this. Go pants!!! whooooooo hoooo  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau struggled loudly as Hitomi dragged him across the castle grounds. The newest gaurds Dilandau had hired, unfortunatly were monkeys and they were doing nothing but throwing crap at each other.   
  
Dilandau: Stupid 'Fiscal year 2003 budgets cuts'! NOOO money for half decent hired help!  
  
Hitomi kicks him in the groin again.  
  
Hitomi: Shut up you!  
  
Dilandau: Give me seventy-two and three quarters reason why I should not just burn this net and kick your ass right now?  
  
Hitomi: It's fire proof thats why half-wit.  
  
Dilandau: Damnit!  
  
Hitomi arrives with Dilandau in tow at a rundown shack.  
  
Dilandau stands up abruptly, breaking the net binding him.  
  
Dilandau: A SHACK?!?!?! YOU'D BRING MEEEE TO A SHACK?! Why of all the places to bring and eliminate your hated enemy you choose a nasty, run-down, stinky old-HEY I'M FREEEEEE!!!! WOOT WOOT!!  
  
Dilandau: Proceeds to do a merry little Irish jig in a circle.  
  
Van busts out of the shack's door, finger pointing at a birck wall.   
  
Van: DILANDAU PREPARE TO MEET THE INSTURMENT OF YOUR DEMISE!!!!!  
  
Dilandau rolls his eyes and chides Van.  
  
Dilandau: If you wish to threaten me then at least look my way idiot.  
  
Van sweatdrops and spins to face Dilandau.   
  
Van drags a tall crate out of the shack and points to it.  
  
Van: Mwuaahhhaahahaha! In this box shall be the one to destroy you!!!! Gwhahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahdroolahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahadroolahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahsnortahahahahahahahahahahaahahahwheezeahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahachkahckdroolahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!  
  
Dilandau: Well that was dumb.  
  
Hitomi: Well your one to talk!!!  
  
The crate wobbles and smoke spews from it. Suddnely it breaks open in peices causing everyone to take a step back.   
  
A man strides out. He has curly black hair and whitish brown complexion. The most horrific feature about him though is the NOSE. It appears to have been broken many, many times and reset horribly.  
  
Man: WOOOOOOO! I AM MICHEAL JACKSON!!!!!!  
  
Dilandau: HIM?!?! THIS WAS THE BEST YOU COULD DO???!  
  
Van twidles his thumbs around.  
  
Van: He was the cheapest one OKAY??!  
  
Micheal notices everyone looking at him.  
  
Micheal Jackson: DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!  
  
He runs off covering his face, sobbing.  
  
Dilandau: That was paaaaaaaaaathetic.  
  
Hitomi: Oh like any of your attempts were genius?  
  
Dilandau: Well come on!! An evil genius has to make do with what he can! Productivity and morale among my suboordinates is at an all time low!  
  
Hitomi: excuses, excuses.  
  
Van: I know! Lets all make up and have hot sex!  
  
Hitomi&Dilandau: NO!!!  
  
Utena walks out of the shack, rubbing her eyes.  
  
Utena: Whuzzz goin' on you guys?   
  
Dilandau: This is stupid! I'm gonna kick all your asses!!!  
  
Utena: Says who!  
  
Dilandau: Says me!  
  
Utena: nuh-uh  
  
Dilandau: yuh-huh  
  
Utena: nuh-uh  
  
Dilandau: yuh-huh  
  
Utena: nuh-uh  
  
Dilandau: yuh-huh  
  
Utena: nuh-uh  
  
Dilandau: yuh-huh  
  
Utena: nuh-uh  
  
Dilandau: yuh-huh  
  
Utena: nuh-uh  
  
Dilandau: yuh-huh  
  
Utena: nuh-uh  
  
Dilandau: yuh-huh  
  
Utena: nuh-uh  
  
Dilandau: yuh-huh  
  
Utena:(sticks out her tounge) Phttttttt....!  
  
Dilandau:(sticks his tounge) Phhtttttttttttt...!  
  
Hitomi: OH GROW UP. I swear you'd think they were in love.  
  
Dilandau&Utena: NANI?!?! TACLKE HER!!!  
  
Hitomi: Drat. (gets tackled into the ground)  
  
Dilandau stands up and brushes off his armour.   
  
Dilandau: Well I would love to stay but I am your evil nemesis you know, need to plan for your untimley demises.  
  
Dilandau conjours up a fireball which explodes and sends Team Fanel soaring off into the sky.  
  
Van: LOOOOOOOOKS LIIIIIKE MMYYYYYY PPPANNNNNTS AREEEEE ONNNNN FIREEEEEE AGAIIIIIIIIINNNNN!!!!! WUAHAAAAAA!!!  
  
Dilandau: Morons, the lot of them!  
  
Dilandau marches back into his palace to find Micheal Jackson self-pleasuring himself on the throne.  
  
M.J.: Ohhhhhh yeah thats it!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!(Rubs Dilandau's hair gel through his own hair-what kind of self please did you think I ment......ewwwwwwww....pervs)  
  
Dilandau: GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!  
  
M.J.: *Cry* I am telling my mommy on you!!  
  
Micheal Jackson runs off again.  
  
Dilandau: WHY MUST EVERYONE BE AN IDIOT!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Thats all for this crazy adventure folks. I will try to continue later!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau: Why are you down here?!?! I am busy!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dilandau: No, you can not ask what I am busy with.  
  
M.J.: I bet I knowwwwww...!  
  
Dilandau: Why are you here!! CANT YOU SEE EVERYONE HATES YOU HERE!!!!  
  
M.J.: I looooove you too! Cmon an give the Prince of Pop sum luvin!  
  
Dialndau: Auughhhhhhh!!!! 


	20. EPISODE III: SPAWN OF THE FISH

Hot, Baby, Hot! 

It has returned! I DONT OWN THE VISION OF ESCAFLOWNE!

Folken Fanel, RULER OF ALL THAT IS MIGHTY AND GOOD, sits on his throne...

Actually, Folken Fanel sits behind the desk of his latest business adventure in Gaea, Folken's Big Bassin and Bait Shack, located off of route 3 just outside of lovley metro Asturia! COME SEE OUR LATEST BARGAINS! ALL NIGHT GLO TRAWLERS 1/2 OFF! FREE LIVE BAIT WITH EVERY NEW PURCHASE!

Author: Umm Folken, NO ADVERTISING.

Folken: Fine...

Folken stares at an old man snoring on a chair in the corner of his store.

Folken: I STILL can't figure out where he came from. I dont even know if he is dead or alive. Maybe I should call those guys from CSI...

Author: Well, I pretty sure he's asleep.

Folken: Naah... I think he could be dead.

Author: Y'...think? I mean I dont remember writing him as a dead guy... but now that you mention it...

Folken: Yep dead as a doorknob.

Folken brushes his hands together.

Author: Dwah! Folken thats your sword stuck through him!

Folken: Wha- me? No, no couldnt be mine... naaa...

Folken grabs a carving knife from under his desk and goes over to the old man.

Author: What are you doing?

Folken: Whaaaat? The bait freezer needs fresh meat...

Author: That's just sick. You murder him and now are going to chop him up for fish bait?

Folken: Wellll, you say that like it's a BAD thing. and I much more prefer the term 'recycle' if you please, what with our ozone layer depleting due to our overextending of our limited natural resources and all...

Author: Shut up. You're not even making any sense.

**DRAMATIS PERSONAE**

**VAN FANEL- KING OF FANELIA AND CONSTANT SOURCE OF IRRITATION FOR WOULD BE RULER DILANDAU ALBATROU.**

**HITOMI KANZAKI- CUTE JAPANESE SCHOOLGIRL SUCKED INTO THE WORLD OF FANELIA. MAY OR MAY NOT BE A WING GODDESS, IS ANNOYED WITH VAN A LOT.**

**DILANDAU ALBATROU- BISHONEN WITH A MESSED UP HISTORY. HELL-BENT ON RULING ALL OF GAEA BEGGING WITH THE KINDOM OF FANELIA.**

**MERLE- CATGIRL THAT ACCOMPANIES VAN AND HITOMI.**

**ALLEN SCHEZAR- APPEARED IN CHAPTER 3! WILL APEAR AGAIN SOON, I DONT KNOW WHEN!**

**FOLKEN FANEL- CURRENTLY AN ENTREPENAUR. VAN'S BROTHER. 90 OF ALL SMALL BUSINESSES FAIL WITHIN THE FIRST YEAR!**

**UTENA TENJOU- GIRL FROM AN ACADEMY FILLED WITH AMBIGIOUS PEOPLE WHO ALL MAY OR MAY NOT BE HOMOSEXUAL. BROUGHT TO GAEA SOMEHOW, IS IN VAN'S PARTY.**

**MICHEAL JACKSON- WHITE MAN IN A BLACK MANS BODY, ACCUSED OF HAVING TOO MUCH FUN WITH LITTLE BOYS. CURRENTLY HARASSING DILANDAU.**

**ANAKIN SKYWALKER- WATCH HIS TRANSFORMATION TO THE DARK SIDE, REPLETE WITH CARDBOARD ACTING AND SAPPY ROMANTIC SUBPLOT! HE IS YOUR FATHER! YES, YOU THE READER!**

**THE SPACE TROUT- FISH WITH AMAZING POWERS! COMES FROM SOMWHERE IN SPACE! SMELLS FUNNY!**

Folken: O.o

Folken: Oookaaay, what was all that about?

Author: I don't knoooww...

All of the sudden the Space Trout falls through the ceiling. Anakin Skywalker jumps in after it. Anakin is holding a lightsaber.

Anakin: You cannot evade me forever Space Trout! I will save Padme! PAAAAAADDDDDMMMMMMEEEE!

The Space Trout whips out a lightsaber and the two begin a battle. Fishing poles are cut in half, worms stepped on, cows thrown, and a pachinko game is started by six rubber crawfish.

Folken and the Author are taking cover under Folken's desk.

Folken: Oh darn, there goes my motorboat...

A boat flies by.

Folken: Soo... will Dilly and the gang be in the next update?

Author: You betcha.

Folken: Aww this fanfic is crap anyway. Who reads it?

Author: Well, judging by my reviews, at LEAST 91 people. Either that or 1 person who made a BUNCH of screenames.

Anakin and the Space Trout dash past them and out the Bassin and Bait Shack.

Anakin: I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A MASTER ON THE COUNCIL! DAMNNN YOUUU MACEEEE WINDUUUUU! NOOOOOO! PADMEEEEEE!

Folken: O.o

Folken stands and dusts himself off. The Author does the same.

Folken: So, you'll actually update this again?

Author: I guess so, but if stuff like that is gonna happen...

Folken: Well see ya, I got a telemarketing scam to set up and I'm callin YOU first.

Author: Please dont. Anyway folks! look for the triumphant return of Van and the gang! It may have been almost 3 years but Hot, Baby, Hot is BACK BABY!

To be continued...

Folken walks down main street Austuria and sees Space Trout hiding under some concrete construction pipes.

Folken: Soo, umm Space Trout. How would you like and exciting career involving calling people at dinner time and selling them a better long distance plan they dont even want?

Space Trout: Flop, bounce, flip, flop?


End file.
